Let’s dissect the word “no” and make sure that we are using the best tone and body language when it matters most, self-preservation.
I spent time in the Merriam-Webster dictionary and the word “no” can be a noun, an adjective, or an adverb.
- Nouns are the “subjects” of a sentence that refer to a person, place, thing, or idea. Example: “received a firm 'no' in reply.”
- Adjectives describe or modify a noun. What kind? How many? Example: “no disputing the decision.”
- Adverbs provide additional information about the verb. How? When? Where? Basically, action. Example: “shook his head no.”
I find this interesting because no matter what the category, “no” means roughly the same thing. Negative. Refusal. None. Denial. Never. Veto.
Think about all the different people you may say “no” to throughout the day. Now, think about some of the non-vigorous diverse ways to say “no.” Here are several examples listed below.
- I am afraid I can’t.
- Maybe next time.
- I am busy.
- I am not comfortable doing that.
- I don’t want to.
- Sounds great, but I cannot commit to it.
- I am honored but I can’t.
- I have another commitment.
- I will have to pass.
- I’m not interested.
There is a time and a place for everything, why not think of the word “no” in those terms? There are times to be polite, there are times to turn something down and give a reason, there are times to be direct with a simple “no”. The whole while needing time to consider the context and relationship when deciding how passive or firm you need to be.
Scenario: It is the middle of the day; you are at your favorite gas station filling up your tank and you see that a stranger has taken interest in you. He is about twenty-five feet from you, and you recognize that you have just been “targeted.” The bad man stares at you for over half a minute, gives you a charming smile and heads your way.
- Do you politely say, “Maybe next time” and then turn your back on him?
- Do you say, “I am honored that you have chosen me, but I’ll have to pass” and then offer him a dollar...which brings him closer to you?
- Do you say “stop! I cannot help you” while preparing to take other actions?
If your answer was #1 or #2, then you may not fully understand how to use the word “NO!” when you need to stop someone in their tracks.
There are times when you need to say “no” in a forceful way. Your goal is to grab their attention and make them understand that you are not vulnerable. Here are a few tips:
- Your “No, go away” should be guttural and firm with a loud, commanding voice. It is a good idea to try to combine your “no” with simple instructions on what you want them to do, such as, “No, leave now”. Your goal is for them to leave without further confrontation.
- Maintain solid eye contact for a few seconds that says, “I am serious”. Please manage your eye contact timing so it does not become a challenging stare.
- Stand tall to show confidence, position your hands/arms in front of you to protect your head if things get nasty (plus it signals the universal “no”) and look around to see what direction you can quickly move to if necessary. Please make note that there is a difference between a confident posture and aggressive body language.
- While all the above is happening, deploy pepper spray and reposition yourself so your car, the pump, the trash can, etc. are in between you and the bad man. An obstacle can give you time and space to make decisions.
- If all of this does not stop him then maybe these steps have earned you the option to leave and avoid a potentially dangerous situation, or maybe it has put yourself in a position that you can use your pepper spray to stop him from doing bad things.
I highly recommend that you rehearse these steps, so they are fluid and feel second nature to you. The key to mastery is practice, practice, practice.
